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the art of not giving a f*ck: Review (part 2)



You are in constant choice

“If you find yourself miserable in your current situation, it is very likely that that feeling results from at least part of it from something outside of your control. There is a problem that you cannot solve, a problem imposed on you without a choice on your part, but when we feel that we are We chose our problems, because we feel empowered by them, as if we are charged with new energy, when you feel that our problems are imposed on us against our will, we see ourselves as miserable and we see ourselves as victims. ”


So what is the solution?

The art of indifference discusses the solution with three stories of three famous people who are exposed to circumstances beyond their control, and each invested them in his way. The matter remained miserable and miserable because he did not forget the pain of the past, trying to overcome it despite his new successes, and some of them were like the story of the second hero except that he wrote a happier ending for him, and all this because they decided at the end of the matter to control the pain and each of them in his way.

What did these first and third people do?

All they did was that they realized that they had to be responsible for everything in their lives, regardless of external circumstances. They should fight to improve their situation, not to place the blame on fate. We always choose our way, the standards by which we measure and the values ​​we learn, and that the event is good or Bad by the metric we used.

Sure, life is full of things that make us miserable, but who cares about our happiness? We are the ones responsible for that, we are the ones who must strive for our happiness, in return, not everything is made by life, but some of it is made by our own hands. We are not always the innocent side, we must know that part of our tragedy is caused in one way or another.

“I did not choose this life, nor did I choose this really scary state, but I have to choose how to live with it. Yes, I have to choose how to live with it.”

You’re wrong with everything (me too)

A new hero in the book The Art of Indifference, this time our hero spent his life believing that all the ideas he had are true and certain, from when he was a child and adolescent until adulthood, but that the ideas of each stage have changed in the other stage, and it is the expected thing. However, in our current stage, we carry something from stubbornness that makes us think that we have reached the end, nothing remains absent from us, and our thoughts are correct, which we will continue forever, and this is what made our hero baffled as he is subject to constant change.

“I have been wrong every step of my way. I have been wrong in everything my whole life. I have been wrong about myself, others, society, culture, the universe, and everything.”

But this is how the children grow and this is how awareness is created. We do not go from wrong to right when we learn something new because we go from wrong to wrong by a slight amount.

The author has prepared that certainty is the enemy of evolution, so instead of running after certainty, we must be in a state of constant doubt, doubt our beliefs, our feelings, and what the future may hold for us. Instead of striving to be always right, we must look at the error that is in Our lives, because we are always wrong.

And this is the spirit of openness and change, just as we laughed at ideas before us, those in a generation after us will come and laugh at our foolish thoughts now, so the mistake allowed them to grow and develop, so the error is not as bad as you expect.

But this does not mean discovering mistakes that we have moved to the stage of righteousness, it is a complex topic in terms of searching for the right, we always make mistakes in the interpretation of events, we live by a lie what we hear and feel and what they say to us, and the most dangerous thing is our mind and heart, so the mind and the heart make a lot of mistakes in The correct interpretation of something creates illusions for us, our memory creates events for us that are not always true, but rather an involuntary act of them in the stage of their search for the chaos that is inside our unconscious mind, no one knows what is true, there is no complete truth, it is a matter of relativity, all that You should always do to raise this percentage in your life.

Failure is the way to progress

On the authority of Pablo Picasso, who drew on a napkin a wonderful cubic painting and decided to throw it, a woman came to him to buy it, and he answered her that he wanted twenty thousand dollars, and when the woman was amazed at the horrific price, especially that it was not left for two minutes, he answered her logically, “No, madam, I needed Sixty years until I draw it. ”

“The size of your success at something depends on how many times you have failed to do that thing.”

If someone is better than you at something, then it is much more likely that they have failed at it than you have, and if someone is worse than you, then it is possible that the reason for that lies in the pain of the long learning process that you have gone through. This is what the writer explained. An example of a young child learning to walk. How much will he fall in the end?

Therefore, you must remember well and be convinced well, you cannot be successful in things that you do not want to fail, when you avoid failure you must succeed in the first place, in any case, the measure of failure you can control and determine, it is important of course to link failure to something that you do not fear, Then you can progress, forget failure and go on your way.

For fear of pain you do not have to stop you from the right action, many people have become better in coping with pain, they have become better people, their pain was nothing but spiritual nourishment to get them out of that dreaded hole, they have no solution, they are in a position of loss as well, as they move forward with A little pain, or they keep their pain, with more endless complaining, the writer’s advice to them was: “Hold your mouth and do it!”

The importance of saying no

Another story that the writer weaves in his book The Art of Indifference, about that boy who decided to taste another taste of life away from his homeland and, unlike his friends who got married and had their own families and their work, decided to travel to fifty-five countries for work, pleasure and the experience of freedom, to reach after all those visits, that Freedom is beautiful except that it is meaningless and useless, so what has he done now? He used to feel in his heart that he was missing something, until he discovered it in what, when the space of freedom narrowed, there would be a substance to our lives, and most importantly, we must be honest with ourselves, because the hero is very flattering, so he got a lot of social relationships with courtesy only, so he is uncomfortable, however, he went to Russia, whose people are distinguished by candor, which made him take an important lesson from them, which is, to be frank, and honest in expressing his feelings, he should not torture himself at the mercy of others’ opinions, he does not get true friends by that, but only hurts himself.

“Travel is a great tool for self-development because it strips you of the values ​​of your cultures and makes you see that there is another society that can live with completely different values ​​and succeed in that without the individuals hating themselves.”

You must reject something, to become meaningful, and if you do not encounter something better than another, or more desirable to you than another, then you are an empty person who lives a life without meaning, living a life without values ​​and purpose, and the desire to avoid rejection Whatever the cost, or your desire to avoid confrontations, or your desire to have everything harmonious and coordinated, it is a form of an excessive sense of entitlement, the owner cares about being excellent all the time, does not feel any worse and does not want anyone to make him feel bad, thus living a life driven by pleasure And self-absorbed, they avoid failure and any kind of suffering.

People who have an excessive sense of entitlement fall into one of two traps during their relationships. Either they expect the other party to take responsibility for their problems, or that they bear an excess of the other party’s problems, because this helps them avoid accepting responsibility for their problems, and as a result, their relationships develop. False fragility from trying to avoid inner pain rather than true self-esteem.

And then you die …

That boy who lost his best friend, who did not recover from his memory for a long time, and made him feel depressed all the time and dream about it a lot, to reach an important result, which is that if there is no reason to do anything, then what is also a reason not to do anything …

“In an inevitable confrontation with death, there is no justification at all for giving in to one’s fear, embarrassment, or feeling of shame because the whole thing is more than the fist of nothing.

Death frightens us, and because it scares us, we avoid thinking about it, even if it befalls someone close to us, but in the end, had it not been for death, everything would seem to us to be of no importance and all the values ​​and measures would have become zero.

The lesson is that our life is not a mere coincidence, we have been created for a purpose, a goal that we did not know, a goal that we will know in the middle or at the end of the road, or we may not know it, but it is definitely there is some purpose of our existence, but you can enhance that further, with your hand you can You create that purpose, with your death you will think that everything will end, but the story of your immortality can be written, you can make others remember you, by doing something, by developing something that brings you into scientific encyclopedias, by a human action that makes you remember many people who have changed their lives.

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